C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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