I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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