Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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