you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
