'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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