just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
