Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you would pick up someone in the library
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
