he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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