Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
