if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
