my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
