I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
