Dual....:-)
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
