happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
