I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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