I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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