I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
