i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
