Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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