You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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