I look better un-naked...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
