i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Bring me that man meat
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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