Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
