Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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