i wish starbucks made bloody marys
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
vagina is talking i cant
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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