i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
