so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
