Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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