i don't like sucking hair
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
