Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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