I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
