yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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