So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
