she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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