Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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