Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
