I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
