I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
