Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
