just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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