sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
