why im i the only drunk person in the library?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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