Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
