so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
