How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
