guys are only as good as the porn they watch
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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