Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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