So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
