he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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