Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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