why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
