Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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