Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I AM VODKA MAN
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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