Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
